My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
