Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
