I accidentally burped into my bong.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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