its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
