Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
