Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
