We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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