this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
