you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize