New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
