maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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