I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
