the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
