i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
