I just saw a hot homeless man
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
