the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
