He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
