My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
