There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I supernannyed him into submission
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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