are you still at the devil's house?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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