i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
