I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have aggressive nipples.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
