btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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