Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
