I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
