Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
