I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
