I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
