Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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