Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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