Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
