I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
