I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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