Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize