dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
