I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
