Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
