I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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