Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
