I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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