I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She said her name was "party"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
