Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
