I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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