i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
