can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Your cock deserves a montage
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
