Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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