we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize