I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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