She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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