Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
