Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
