After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well I just put wine in my tea
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
