farters have to be the big spoon...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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