you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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