Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
