I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Drunk is a universal language darling
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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