Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
