oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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