please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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