We're facebook friends in real life
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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