he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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