And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
