I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
