The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
