first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Nicole vs. Life
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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