I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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