I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
