so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
