AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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