I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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