Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just want nice things and good sex
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
