I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
