the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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