I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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