He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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