Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
