it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize