I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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