just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
