I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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