You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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