I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
