before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
